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French Lessons of Seduction

Everything you need to know in 8 GIFs

What else are we supposed to do in times like these but hone in particular skills we’ve always wanted to master? Here, with us, you won’t learn how to make face covers out of bras (although a nifty little trick), homeschool your kids without losing your mind, or macrame your way through weeks of quarantine.

No.

Here, with us, you’ll learn an essential survival skill, second only to spearfishing in the open ocean to feed yourself when the world has turned into A Quiet Place or The Walking Dead.

Here is our take on the art of Seduction, French style. Lessons in 8 GIFs:

Let your eyes do the talking. They’ll be sure to land straight in your net.


Turn on the charm. And while charm is a very subjective notion with cultural nuances, the French version of charm looks approximately like this ☝️


Conquer them with words. The French traditionally revere eloquence, the obvious display of intellectual capacity by the use of big words, impeccable grammar, and the delivery of long running sentences in a way that makes them feel like you know exactly what you’re talking about (even when you don't). The eyes may be the hook, but the words are the key to the delicious denouement.


Keep the mystery alive and some secrets close to your chest. Nothing’s less exciting than something - or someone - one’s already all figured out.


The male version of an air of mystery. And also because we were craving a little Jean-Paul Belmondo today.


Be confident, maybe ever so slightly less than this. Know your angles, your composure, your style. Know what works for you. Unshakable confidence will drive them wild with desire. We also needed a little Jean Dujardin today.


As we say in France, one does not catch flies with vinegar. Success in seduction often comes through food and cooking: the preparing, the anticipating, the sharing, the feeding each other, the sucking, the finger-licking good plate of food shared between two (or more, whatever floats your boat) people who take their time savoring it before they start savoring each other.


And let’s not forget the essentials: master the skills! There’s an art to French kissing and although most people can’t agree on the technique - or on the fact that it actually comes from France - the most important thing to master is being present and feeling the sensuality, whatever that means for you. PSA: it does mean not trying to floss their wisdom teeth!

To be practiced over and over again on your quarantine partner, the cat (minus the kissing) or, hottest of all, yourself.


April 30, 2020 
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